Notes on Discipline
A. Discipline is from the Lord.
1. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it Pr 22:6
2. Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you Dt 8:5
3. He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him Pr 13:24
4. Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death Pr 19:18
5. Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him Pr 22:15
6. Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death Pr 23:13-14
7. The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother Pr 29:15
8. If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons…. Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it Heb 12:8,10-11
9. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord Eph 6:4
10. Fathers, do not embitter your children; or they will become discouraged Col 3:21
B. Children also have a part.
1. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father
and mother” Eph 6:1
2. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord Col 3:20
3. His children obey him with proper respect 1Tim 3:4
C. Discipline or chastening (paideia Gk) means training, instruction, guidance, or correction.
D. Discipline is most effective when provided to children within an atmosphere of nurturance.
1. Rules – a Relationship = Rebellion; Rules + a Relationship = Response (McDowell & Day)
2. When children feel loved they see the rules as boundaries of love rather than unreasonable demands. They see a love that is bigger than the rules, and a love that is actually the reason for the rules. (Faulkner p 226)
3. A strong long term relationship with parents can often help adolescents to choose to do right rather than hurt their parents.
E. Discipline has four phases. This is true between God and man and between parent and child.
1. God gives us instructions.
2. We are warned about consequences of wrong doing.
3. We receive warnings and corrections.
4. We receive punishment.
a. “There is punishment. Don’t do the crime, if you don’t want to do the time. And we’ve lost that. People want to do stuff and get away with it. Go back and restore. You owe the victim. And that has to be really clear, so that a very young person becomes accustomed to experiencing punishment.” Haman Cross in Raising Teens While They’re Still in Preschool by Ronald Habermas
b. Inappropriate punishment
Not fit the misbehavior
Not fit the age of the child
Not fit the temperament of the child (compliant child, strong willed child)
Stemming from the anger of the parent
c. Appropriate physical discipline is necessary and is best when done at a youngage.
d. Pick your battles.
e. Sometimes grace is the best choice.
f. Children start early learning to “negotiate.” They can easily see how to putparents against each other in order to get their way.
g. As a child gets older you will need to allow him more freedom. This can only bedone successfully if discipline was consistently taught and practiced when thechildren were young.
h. Apologize to your children when you are wrong.
i. Discipline should be timely Ecc 2:11
j. Always end a punishment phase of discipline with a demonstration of affection.
k. Punishment can be positive or negative.
Use a positive approach.
1. It takes a lot more positives than negatives (47-1, 15-1, 8-1, 5-1)
2. Try to say yes whenever you possibly can.
3. Trust your children.
4. Have high expectations. These will include character, purity, honesty,“doing the right thing.”
l. Rules and boundaries –
For I have chosen Abraham, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just Gen 18:19
For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God 1Th 2:11-12
Parenting in one sentence: Parents need to love the Lord with all of their hearts and demonstrate it to their children while training the children to love the Lord with all of their hearts and to demonstrate it to others.